The Wammy House
by L-obsessed-Otaku
Summary: L's back at the Wammy House and things are quirky as usual. A story full of sarcasm and humor. Rated K for Kittens?
1. Chapter 1

Hey! This is my first Death Note fanfic! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any rights to Death Note.

Setting: The Whammy House.

*L is sitting in front of the tv with with an abnormally large piece of cake*

*Near is on the floor playing with his toys*

*Matt is outside smoking*

*Mello is...well doing whatever Mellos do.*

*Watari walk in*

Watari: L, isn't it time you go back to your own house?

L: *Looks appalled* This _is_ my house Tari. How can you try to kick me out of my childhood home?

Watari: Because for the last five days you've been laying around here eating everything sugary we have and watching the Golden Girls.

L: Dorothy is my favorite. :3 And besides, my place is still being fixed after the fire and all.

Watari: L! You started that fire by letting your cake burn in the oven!

L: It was just an accident. You think I would let a perfectly good cake burn on purpose?

Mello: I wish you would burn on purpose.

L: Shuttup, Mello. No one likes you. And you look like a girl.

**(A/N I love Mello. For the record) **

*Mello cries*

*Near Laughs*

Mello: Well, you look like a panda!

L: Yes, but pandas are cute. Look at me. I'm adorable.

Near: I can see how L would resemble a panda...

L: How?

Near: Well, the eyes. And there's the fact that both you and a panda eat your own body weight in food every day.

Mello: how are you not fat by now?

L: I'm lucky.

Mello: How do you think Near would act if he had a sugar overload?

*All shiver*

L: Let's not think about that.

*Matt walks in*

Watari: Where have you been?

Matt: Outside smoking.

Watari: That's going to kill you early in life.

Matt: Watari, everyone here right now is going to die except for Near.

L: But unlike Mello, people will cry when I die. I'll bet my death will be all climactic too.

Near: I feel lucky.

Matt: I die too. Darn. I never got enough screen time.

Mello: Hey! People like me.

L: Mello, everybody thought you were a girl in the anime until you talked.

Near: Yeah. And I'm the one who was voiced by a woman and everyone knows I'm a boy.

L: Get a haircut, ya hippy.

Matt: Hey! Leave him alone. It's not his fault he has no muscles and looks like a chick.

Mello: Gee, thanks Matt.

L: You guys are lucky you didn't have to be around Misa in the anime.

Near: I kidnapped her.

L: Yes, but you weren't handcuffed to her boyfriend.

Near: She kind of looks like Mello...

L: Hey that's right! She does.

*Doorbell rings*

L: ehh, I'll get it.

*answers door*

*Light is there*

L: What do you want?

Light: I have come to kill you!

L: I'm pretty sure that you won't kill me in a fanfiction. The author won't allow it.

Author: That's right. I hate you, Light.

Light: Thanks..

Watari: What have you come for?

Light: I need L's help.

L: What do you need?

Light: I NEED to get away from Misa!

L: Go hide in Near's doll house.

Light: YAY!

Near: He's too fat! He'll break it!

Matt: That's true.

*All silent*

Near: Does no one care about the well being of my doll house?

Mello: Nope.

L: Mmm. I want another piece of cake.

Mello: I'm kind of craving chocolate right now.

Near: I want to get a new toy.

Matt: I need another cigarette.

L: You know Watari, you're the only one here who doesn't have a distinct character feature.

Watari: Well, neither does Light!

Near: He's the famous Kira. But you don't really have anything going for you.

L: I knew it!

Light: Do you guys have any potato chips?

Mello: Yeah in the kitchen.

Light: Okay.

L: Why are you helping him?

Mello: Everybody likes potato chips.

Near: It's true.

Matt: I don't.

L: Why do you always have to be different?

Light: *From the kitched* I'll take a potato chip...AND EAT IT!

Mello: Is he talking to himself in there?

L: Yes. He's a homicidal maniac. That's kind of how those kinds of people are.

Matt: True dat.

Watari: Stay tuned!

**Chapter 2 coming soon ^_^ **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: coffee

Setting: The Wammy House.

L: Watariiiii, will you make me some coffee?

Watari: Surely, you can make it yourself.

L: I dont know how.

Mello: Are you that stupid?

Light: *from the kitchen* And I'll take ANOTHER chip! And I'll eat that one too!

L: I'm not stupid. I'm a genius.

Near: Me too!

Matt: Show offs.

L: I shall get some coffee. LIGHT!

Light: *pokes head throught door* Yes?

L: Come with me to starbucks.

Light: Okay!

Mello: Can you pick me up some hot chocolate?

L: No! Go make your own.

*Both Light and L leave*

Near: Mr. Bear? Do you want some of this chocolate?

Mello: What? Where'd you get that? THATS MINE!

Near: I know where your stash is. After all, I'M the one who is smart enough to succeed L.

Mello: You are a heartless little boy.

*Meanwhile, at Starbucks. L is making the biggest decision of his entire life.*

L: Mocha or Regular? HELP ME LIGHT!

Light: Well, either way you're going to be adding 16 sugar cubes so it doesn't really matter.

*L slaps Light*

L: How could you say something like this doesn't matter?

Light: You didn't have to slap me!

L: I know! I'LL GET IT ALL!

Light: What?

*Back at the Wammy House*

*Watari's cell phone rings*

Watari: Yes?

Light: Watari! You have to help me! L's trying to rob starbucks! He's trying to drink all of their coffee! HE'S GOT HIS HEAD UNDER THE MOCHA NOZZLE AS WE SPEAK!

L: *In the background* WEEEHOOOOOOOO!

Watari: *sigh* I'll be right there.

*hangs up phone*

Matt: What's up?

Watari: L is trying to rob starbucks.

Mello: Again?

Watari: Yes, again.

*All get in car and go to starbucks*

*When they arrive, L has already drank all the coffee and is laying on the floor laughing wildly*

*Light's face is swollen*

Watari: What happened to you?

Light: He slapped me repeatedly, yelled "LIGHT TAGAMI IS KIRAAA!" and threw hot coffee in my face.

Near: Woah..

L: !

Matt: ehh. This happened last week too.

Light: It did?

Near: How do you think Mello got that scar on his face?

Mello: That's not true!

Matt: Yes it is.

Mello: I know.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO L? Will Light's face ever heal? Will Misa ever find Light? Will L get charged for robbery? STAY TUNED!

L: I like coffee..

Me: We know, L, we know.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bail Money.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

*Policeman enters coffeshop*

*Looks over to find clerk crying in a corner and L lying on the floor.*

Policeman: What happened in here?

W: Oh, it was nothing.

Mello: This man! *points at L* Just robbed this store.

*L gives Mello death glare*

*Policeman checks register.*

Policeman: What'd he steal?

Near: All of the coffee that Starbucks had.

L: You two are dirty traitors. That's it. Matt, you're my new successor.

Matt: :D

Mello: You're giving that title to me.

Matt: Yes, sir.

Policeman: I'm sorry but we're going to have to arrest you.

L: But...**WHY? **

***Gives puppy look* **

Policeman: Uhh...umm...It's against the law to steal and...

*Cuter puppy look*

Policeman: ...I've never thought another guy was cute before...I mean- You're under arrest!

L: Dang it.

Mello: Victory! Matt go and fetch me my victory leotard!

Matt: Yes, sir! *Runs back to Wammy House*

Near: You have a victory leotard? That's so stupid.

Mello: No it's not! You're just jealous!

Near: Trust me. I'm not the slightest bit jealous of you and your...victory leotard..

*Policeman puts handcuffs on L*

L: :(

Policeman: You're going downtown, Mister.

*Both leave*

Light: Well, that was unexpected.

W: Ehh, we'll just bail him out. What with all the money we have.

Mello: Do you think he'll die in prison?

Near: Why would you ask something like that?

Mello: ..._ No reason. Hey Near. Guess what!

Near: What? Do I even want to know?

Mello: I bought you new action figures and they're sitting out in the middle of the busy intersection outside. Why don't you go get them?

Near: OKAY! *Skips outside happily*

*Screams*

*All run outside*

*Near is lying on the ground after being hit by a mo-ped.*

Mello: AHAHAHAHAHA!

Near: I hate you, Mello...

*Mello victory screaches.*

Light: So are we going to get Ryuzaki out of prison?

W: Yeah. I suppose. We can get there by using my magical pony powers of justice. Everyone hold hands!

*Pink light flashes and they all dissapear to the prison *

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Hmmm. That last sentence was kind of weird... Pink light flashes. In Death Note that can be taken two ways...:3

Chappie 4 up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Setting: A prison in which L is being held

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

L: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

Policeman: Not that I really care about the name of a criminal.

L: I'll tell you a secret. I want to tell you- I'm L.

*Policeman looks at L like he's an idiot*

Policeman: You mean that detective? DUH! Everyone knows his name is M not L!

L: Curse you MELLO!

*Watari, Light, Near, Mello, and Matt all appear in a puff of pink fairy dust..*

Mello: :D

W: Not cool, Mello, not cool.

Light: Ryuzaki! We've come to bail you out!

Policeman: Aha! SO you aren't L! You're "Ryuzaki!"

L: How stupid can you get?

Policeman: :3 *No offense to any police. :( *

Near: We have the money here, to pay for all of the coffee.

L: There's some serious x-lax in that stuff. You don't want to know how badly this toilet is clogged.

Matt: MY EYESS!

W: Umm, ew.

Light: What do you mean eww? You've seen L in his zitty fase.

W: Yes, and what a horrible fase it was...

L: *smiles*

Near: Here is the money. We shall take our delinquent now.

Policeman: Yes, sir!

Near: Watari! Your pony powers, if you will.

*Watari grabs everyone's hands*

Watari: P P P PONY! *Chia pet theme song*

*All disappear to Wammy House*

Watari: Ahh, it's nice to use my pony powers again.

L: Yay, I'm home. :3

Mello: Hmph..Matt...

Matt: Yes, sir?

Mello: You never fetched me my victory leotard...

Light: Wait, how did you even get to the prison in the first place? You were gone when we went to the prison.

Matt: Simple. The author was careless and forgot that I had gone to get Master's leotard.

Near: And you don't find it odd at all that there is a such thing as a leotard and that your "master" had one made specifically for "victories"?

Matt: Nope. :]

Watari: Well, now that we're home...who wants some pie?

L: ME!

*Doorbell rings*

*Watari answers door.*

W: Oh hello...Miss Mi-

Light: MISA? O.O

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

haha she finally found him! okay that was chapter 4. :)


End file.
